Vignettes from the Ever-Lasting Now

 Therapeutic Hugging and Me I started to read about emotional intelligence and some of the mindfulness exercises used in therapy, like putting people in a kind of meditative state and asking them to detect an emotion and then to describe it. It all sounded very touchie-feelie to me, but then suddenly I saw a reference to therapeutic hugging, and I read a Psychology Today article on the subject at https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotion-information/202012/the-healing-power-hugs I remembered your many references to hugging and wanting to hug your kids and friends, so I thought you might be interested. I grew up in a very non-hugging family, so when I read about Henry Harlow and his experiments with infant monkeys with wire-frame mothers versus monkeys with real mothers, I related to the poor kids with the wire-mothers – WAAH!  But I also thought-flashed on an experience I had more recently, only 40 years ago, when I was finishing my first degree at Illinois State. During...

I was next door at my neighbor Bigfoot Jerry’s to help him hook up a TV in his bedroom. I calls him Bigfoot because he's got these really big animal slippers. Amazingly I fixed up the TV correctly, and then I admired the king-size bed he had. He said he got the bed for $214 brand new and he got it from a place down the street where he saw two gay guys (other customers) kissing each other. Now, Jerry is black and he’s not gay, so I said, “Is that against your beliefs?” He said no, but apropos of nothing he said Obama was the one who legalized gay marriage, sort of implying that Obama's action was to blame for a number of things that had taken the nation on a downhill ride. I wasn’t sure that Obama did that (I found out later it was the Supreme Court, but Obama praised the decision). I bet a lot of people think Obama did it. Then Jerry says, “You know there were gay presidents!” but I think he might have gotten Pete Buttigieg mixed up in there. I said, “Maybe you’re thinking o...

BNormal, Illinois May 1, 2020 I met a cool guy named Caesar at the bus stop, and he told me about his workouts and other activity. I have been talking with a bunch of black people who have moved from Chicago to Bloomington, and that’s what this guy did: He said he moved here because he was afraid for his kids getting harmed in the neighborhood where they lived. He had a .45 and a pump shotgun for security from the gang activity a block away, and he was a peaceful man except when it came to his kids – then he was a warrior! What a cool guy! He said he’s not a real big weight lifter so much as he uses weights as part of his workout, and he also walks everywhere and rides his bike and sometimes the bus. I asked how old he was, and he said, “I will be 70 in November, the Lord willing!” I asked if he was disabled in any way and he said no, but he * has * smoked since he was thirteen. I thought about saying, “Well, you oughta quit right now,” but I said, “Well, you’re not dead yet,” and w...

BNormal, Illinois May 1, 2020 The other day I was admiring some flowers just north of a busy intersection when there was a big CRASH! behind me and I looked to see the aftermath of a collision between a new-looking big black SUV and a small definitely used white car. The small car continued across the intersection and pulled over, while the black car backed up over its own almost-torn-off bumper and turned to pull over near the other car. I saw a youngish gal get out of the SUV and immediately look under her car to find where the bumper went. I thought it might have been of more immediate concern to see if the driver of the other vehicle was O.K. before figuring out where the bumper got to, but I was probably already judging and assigning blame, although I didn't witness the crash. An older guy, about my age (68) got out of the small car and I immediately felt for him. For all I know, the guy had been whacked out of his gourd on medical marijuana and just ran thr...

BNormal, Illinois April 28, 2020   I just got back from Kroger’s after I first walked downtown to drop off recycling, and then turned around to go north past the dollar store to Kroger’s. I had a little adventure when I stopped at a point more than hallway back to wait for the bus because I was tired: A little but muscular black guy in a tank top and a pork pie hat, to whom I have given a little money in the past, was talking nonstop to a nice plain young black woman, and she really didn’t pay much attention to him because he was just an old guy, blabbering and jabbering. He is in good shape, though. He was talking and talking and dancing around a little. I’m sure he does very little work but is just so charming and funny that he gets along and gets by and enjoys life. I had a red bandanna  on my face because I put it on to go into Walgreen’s to see if they had any fresh flowers, but they didn’t. However, I had stopped to take a picture of some really nice tulips a...

BNormal, Illinois April 12, 2020 After a few weeks of sheltering in place and having no incentive to work on academic manuscripts, all I wanted to do was stay at home and work on manuscripts so as to catch up on everything I missed. However, my sister and I, who are siblings and thus have complete immunity to each other’s cooties, had planned on a traditional Easter dinner, so traditional Easter dinner it was. At first things were a bit edgy because Peggy was very much out of sorts since she hadn’t been able to teach her music and band classes for middle-school kids. But then we got to opening the wine prior to dinner, and somehow that made the cheese and crackers a mighty fine experience. By the time we were into the second bottle, I stopped worrying about the manuscript and enjoyed dinner, and then we got to playing music and asking Alexa for more Apple Music of our choice. I asked for The Spinners’ “Working My Way Back to You, Babe” and things became downright marvel...

BNormal, IL April 2, 2020 From Benjamin J. Gonzales on Facebook, as forwarded by my niece, who is stuck at a hotel/motel she manages: Hey friends... I've seen a number of people saying that those who are defying stay at home orders, being stupid and going to massive prayer services, etc deserve to get ill or die. I'm not going to have any of that. I'm a firm believer in the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Are they being shitty? Yup. Do they deserve to die? No. Let's take this as an opportunity to reflect on why we are social distancing, why we are trying to reshape that curve... to save more lives, not to decide who deserves to die and who doesn't. Let's hope that as many lives as possible be spared. That person you think deserves to die is someone's parent, or sibling, or child, they aren't just a faceless number or statistic. Let's hope, together, work, together, to help spread messages of truth...

BNormal, Illinois March 28, 2020 I was out on the street, movin', groovin', doing my thing in the white world, know what I mean? Well then, my steps led me to the vicinity of Kroger's, whereupon I remembered the essentials: a six-pack of Guinness and some stuff for me all-white neighbour, Ron the Actor, so I stopped in and grabbed a hand-sanitized shopping cart. I picked up me pack of Guinness after waiting for an all-white wife and husband to get away from the beer section. The wife appeared to be yakkin' on her cell whilst the hubby was doing the actual shopping. I also noticed a full-scale nuclear black family of wife, hubby, and small child. They were a compact lot and apparently all out for a spin out of their lockdown. I dared to dart past another white gal busy yakking with a store employee and having a gay time of it, so as to grab a package of olive loaf for Ron the Actor. Then I headed down to the cheese aisle. That aisle was backed up by three ...

March 21, 2020 BNormal, Illinois Yesterday in the 33° temperature I was wearing a hoodie and my winter coat and gloves as I came walking back from Kroger’s. It was windy too. Well, along comes a young gal who is a little on the large side but as cute as can be walking her teeny little dog and she’s got short shorts on. Peach colored, they are. I says to her, “Put some pants on!” and she smiles and indicates that it is all good. I am reminded of FDR's response to the reporter who asked him why he used a cigarette holder: "My doctor told me to stay as far away from cigarettes as possible." Just so my grandma told me to stay as far away from crazy people as possible.

March 23, 2020 BNormal, Illinois I have noticed there has been a real upsurge in the use of the word "asshole." "Dick," of course is quite common now, and I guess anyone can be called a dick. Humans are being reduced to dicks and assholes. Can't we just meet in the middle and peacefully have intercourse with each other? dick[ dik ]   noun Slang. Older Use. a detective.   Vulgar. penis.   Vulgar. a stupid, mean, or contemptible person, especially a man. But here's the one we're talking about, as well as the relation to "asshole": Being a Dick   Someone who is constantly acting like an asshole when unnecessary. Me: you look nice today. Them: you don't, have you ever heard of a hair brush? Me: ugh you are being a dick!

BNormal, Illinois March 21, 2020 I was walking to Walgreen's to get a pneumonia shot when I stopped at Reverberations just to look at the 33-1/3 albums they have lining the windows - stuff like B.B. King Sings Christmas Carols and the 13th Floor Elevators Greatest Hits - and a guy stopped to chat within a safe distance (heck, I think it was about 3 or 4 feet). He says, "Man, it's like walkin into the seventies when you go in there!" I says, "Yes, I know!" jabber jabber. It turns out the guy is the same age as me, and his uncle is Yusef Lateef, and I have one of his uncle's albums! Or I think I do - maybe he played with Idris Muhammed, whose Power of Soul album I know I have. But we chatted for a nice while - him on his way to buy balloons for his 7-year-old granddaughter and me to get my geezer shot. Another kool adventure on the street! https://youtu.be/Fr1bzAljIn8?list=PL_WDpf_Xeu3I-R_B-tlXTt70aCEpFyRyY Add the story of the fat girl with t...

BNormal, Illinois March 20, 2020 Now then, the only way we’re going to make any progress is to talk to each other and try to understand each other. I was just watching a movie tonight called The Best of Enemies, a true story based on some KKK types versus a group of black people who are trying to get the same basic rights as the white people. This is back in 1971 in Durham, N.C. Basically it’s one particular Klansman versus one particular black woman, with each one representing his or her group. Each person is very focused and has no intentions of caving in or compromising to the other. In all this mess and mutual hatred, a black arbitrator calls the committed racist his brother because the racist makes one correct point in a heated discussion. It doesn’t matter what the racist says, it’s just important that he’s correct about one thing. The black guy points out that the white guy is objectively correct and that as far as that one thing goes, they are in agreement and thus they...

March 20, 2020 BNormal, Illinois I've walked down to Kroger's on two consecutive days now, since the library isn't open, and I only got a couple small things today, but the walk was great to get my blood moving and there's always the chance I'll run into somebody and talk to them. Well, I ran into a fellow tenant today - Walt, who also goes by Santa Claus and who, though looking like an old hippie, is a Trump supporter. Walt has a big Santa beard and a real good head of hair and a ponytail going down his back. He was wearing a nice MOTOWN cap, and at first he pretended not to know me, but then he livened up when I said I would like his hat and would he take my Joe's Pizza hat in trade. He said No. I also talked with a largish and sloppyish woman who said that when her husband died she cut off and kept his ponytail. She showed me a little thing she had around her neck that contained a little of her hair and her husband's intertwined and braided. I said s...

I walked into the polling place, which was staffed by several middle-to-older-age women, both black and white. I have never voted in a primary before – have you? I also wondered whether you are an American citizen or whether you might wish to be adopted by an American like a certain Vladimir Tim? Well, so I asked these women kind of timidly, “Can I vote Democratic?” and one black woman said, “You can do anything you want!” I said, “Anything?” “Yes,” she said. “Well,” I said, “I’d like to dance around in my underwear.” MUCH laughter from all the women, and a man at another table smiled too. They said they had been there all day and that was the biggest laugh they had all day. I said, “I can sing too,” and I started singing “Expressway to Your Heart” to the oldest black woman and she started laughing again. That was real fun – LOL. 😊 It really was. Then I went and voted for Joe Biden as my friend Scott had recommended. Oh, another thing: I had on one of my Hawaiian shirts that I’...

I believe the expression actually reads, “It doesn’t rain but it pours.” That means that when such and such a desired event occurs, it occurs a *lot.* For example, let’s say you haven't had sex for a long time - like seven years - and you sure could use some. Suddenly you meet a woman and have sex, and it’s great. Then shortly after that you meet another woman and have sex, and it’s great again! Then maybe you meet *yet another* woman, and it happens again! You think to yourself, “Man, when it rains it pours!” Get it?

BNormal, Illinois March 12, 2020 This morning as I stopped at the Thornton's gas station to get today's ration of margaritas in a can, I happened to notice a couple of young guys walking very slowly in skinny sloppy blue jeans, a decidedly relaxed fit. The first fellow I encountered looked to have all the time in the world to lounge around and to slouch around and to vape, masturbate, and do other silly things with his body like a monkey at the municipal zoo. I personally have no time at all to do any of those silly things anymore, not that I was really any good at any of it. Then, as I stepped up to the checkout with my purchase, I found myself face to face with another young guy's butt crack. His boxer shorts were about at half-mast, which exposed a good portion of the crack and it was a hairy crack at that. As one well-endowed woman said to me once, "Big boobs aren't all they're cracked up to be," but I would much rather deal with any pair of...

BNormal Illinois March 12, 2020 At one time, before I got free rides to PT sessions, I took the taxi and met several funny cab drivers, all of whom had great stories of their lives. One woman, whom the other drivers called Mom (her real name is Linda), worked at a candy factory and she always brought home free broken candy. In spite of all the lovely candy, she had a very abusive husband who locked her up in a small room in the basement and tried to burn her alive. (Sadly, this is a true story.) Prior to this miserable existence, she got pregnant in high school and her mother sent her to a Catholic Home for Unwed Mothers in Chicago, where her baby was taken away from her. Eventually, though, she got away from the abusive husband and met her grown-up son after many years and then she married a wonderful guy who was tending bar at a place where she had gone to celebrate her getting away from the abuser. (This too is a true story!) Now years later her wonderful husband, who ...

BNormal, Illinois March 11, 2020 I will call this guy Ray because he’s a cool cat and a smooth operator. First you should know that Ray is the same age, or maybe a bit older, than me (70). When last I talked to Ray, he had a girlfriend in Rockford who liked to smoke marijuana. He had carried on with this woman for some time, but then he moved to Bloomington, where the jobs, especially the job of taxi driver, were plentiful. While he did not have his girlfriend there in BNormal to have dinner with and console his soul, he did have Plenty of Fish, on which he met several nice ladies. One of them was about thirty-five, and they hit it off well until Ray came to the conclusion that the only thing they had in common was sex. Sadly, he told her that they had to part, and she went off broken-hearted because she thought Ray was the type of man who knew how to treat a woman. Ray, however, had a higher calling, or rather he simply wanted MORE: he wanted a woman who, besides having ...

Bloomington, IL 61701 March 5, 2020 The Downtowner Basement There’s a gal named Angie, who volunteers at the Miller Park Zoo during the day and whose husband, Dan, has a full-time job sweeping floors and such at Eastland Mall. Dan and I rode the bus back home the other day and talked a lot. Then I met their really big low-IQ daughter, Amanda, and her husband, Gerald, last night and we all talked about seizures and tumors and downright bizarre operations, such as to remove dangerous pus pockets right up against a spinal chord. Amanda and Gerald have each other’s names tattooed on their bodies, and the family members have auxiliary names for each other too: Gerald is Yogi, Amada is Boo Boo, Dan is The Ranger, and Angie (Mrs. Dan) is Mrs. Somebody Else from the show, though I don’t remember another character. We also talked about the best way to cook chicken wings and whether chicken cooked at 425° for an hour is really done. (I said YES.)

Bloomington, IL 61701 March 3, 2020 A much older couple was sitting down too and we chatted a bit. I think maybe they assumed we were a couple too, but it was pleasant and I said to the fella, “So, are you on a date?” and he said, “Well, actually I just picked her up on the street,” and he winked and she laughed and said, “We've been together for seven years now.” It turns out they met when his wife was undergoing cancer treatment, and so was this gal sitting next to me. The wife died, but he started going with this good-hearted survivor. She said the relationship was going well, and they had just gotten back from visiting one of their kids in Colorado. I said, “Right” and told her she didn’t have to go to Colorado to score weed because she could buy it in Normal now. She laughed and waved her coffee cup around and said the heaviest thing she did was latte.