Hey Baby: Social Distancing and Its Complement

BNormal, Illinois

March 28, 2020

I was out on the street, movin', groovin', doing my thing in the white world, know what I mean?

Well then, my steps led me to the vicinity of Kroger's, whereupon I remembered the essentials: a six-pack of Guinness and some stuff for me all-white neighbour, Ron the Actor, so I stopped in and grabbed a hand-sanitized shopping cart. I picked up me pack of Guinness after waiting for an all-white wife and husband to get away from the beer section. The wife appeared to be yakkin' on her cell whilst the hubby was doing the actual shopping. I also noticed a full-scale nuclear black family of wife, hubby, and small child. They were a compact lot and apparently all out for a spin out of their lockdown.

I dared to dart past another white gal busy yakking with a store employee and having a gay time of it, so as to grab a package of olive loaf for Ron the Actor. Then I headed down to the cheese aisle. That aisle was backed up by three or four people, so being the clever chap I am, I thought to cut through the adjacent aisle and go in the other side, but there I was stymied by a timid-looking black woman perhaps in her forties and two middle-age or older white women. These were my thoughts then:

The black woman - aw, she was nothing be concerned about - I mean, she's *black* so she doesn't really exist. The white woman about my age wearing a mask - oh, well, she looks dangerous and rather stern and wary and even hyper-vigilant, and it looks like she would report me to the dark state and the Dark Lords if I so much as stepped in her direction. Uh-huh - that one gives me pause. But then there's the middle-aged or older white woman *without* a mask on, with whom I maintain a respectful distance - each to each and live and let live. Ah, she has my heart and I almost melt on the spot and worship her as the goddess of the great white western world.

But then I catch myself and say, "The black woman doesn't matter??? You pull your head out of yer arse and TAKE A LOOK AROUND. That's what's wrong with the great white world, mate! These folks have been invisible to you all your life. Now do your penance and resolve to sin no more!"

I paid for my purchases - the Guinness and newspaper for me and some cheese and lunch meat for Ron the Actor - and I slunk off and walked sheepishly down the line.

After a short while I encounter a funny little bum in a pork pit hat who’s dancing around and swaying - a black man he is - who shows me the small change he has in his pocket and goes into his bum's spiel about wanting some bread and meat and cheese and not any booze though he could easily get it and a sandwich at the nearby gas station mart. "Could you use some money, mate?" I says. "Oh yes," he says, so's I give him a fiver and he spots the twenty and says, "Ya know, with a twenty, I could  . . ," but he stops and smiles and gives me a peace sign. "Have a good one, brother!" he says. And for a moment, I am assuaged of  my white man's guilt. Though of course I should not have given him more than two bucks, but screw it - I won't do that again and I won't carry around twenties anymore either.

Then I'm almost home and I see ahead what looks to be a couple fellas talking in front of the barbershop. but what are they doing as the shop is closed? Why, I get closer and it's a white gal maybe in her thirties, smokin' a cigarette and staring intently at God's Gift to White Women, a white chap who looks a bit like Guy Fieri but beefier and with butchwaxed spiky silver-grey hair and a track suit unzipped to a real hairy chest, and he's leaning very casually on the door jamb of the shop rapping to beat the band and in love with the sound of his own voice. Why, he thought he was the dog's bollocks!

I was gonna say something about them not being six feet apart, but suddenly I get wise to the scene: this guy, so to speak, is putting the MOVES on this gal, and she's wondering if his bullshit is worth pursuing, so I says, "Ah, you're close then," and laugh friendly-like. "It’s a good day to be alive - and not dead!" The fellow looks at me and snaps his fingers and says, "You're right!"

Doot do do, it's good to be alive:

https://youtu.be/8yoc8ydAxm4