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Showing posts from March, 2020

Hey Baby: Social Distancing and Its Complement

BNormal, Illinois March 28, 2020 I was out on the street, movin', groovin', doing my thing in the white world, know what I mean? Well then, my steps led me to the vicinity of Kroger's, whereupon I remembered the essentials: a six-pack of Guinness and some stuff for me all-white neighbour, Ron the Actor, so I stopped in and grabbed a hand-sanitized shopping cart. I picked up me pack of Guinness after waiting for an all-white wife and husband to get away from the beer section. The wife appeared to be yakkin' on her cell whilst the hubby was doing the actual shopping. I also noticed a full-scale nuclear black family of wife, hubby, and small child. They were a compact lot and apparently all out for a spin out of their lockdown. I dared to dart past another white gal busy yakking with a store employee and having a gay time of it, so as to grab a package of olive loaf for Ron the Actor. Then I headed down to the cheese aisle. That aisle was backed up by three

As Far Away as Possible

March 21, 2020 BNormal, Illinois Yesterday in the 33° temperature I was wearing a hoodie and my winter coat and gloves as I came walking back from Kroger’s. It was windy too. Well, along comes a young gal who is a little on the large side but as cute as can be walking her teeny little dog and she’s got short shorts on. Peach colored, they are. I says to her, “Put some pants on!” and she smiles and indicates that it is all good. I am reminded of FDR's response to the reporter who asked him why he used a cigarette holder: "My doctor told me to stay as far away from cigarettes as possible." Just so my grandma told me to stay as far away from crazy people as possible.

Meet in the Middle

March 23, 2020 BNormal, Illinois I have noticed there has been a real upsurge in the use of the word "asshole." "Dick," of course is quite common now, and I guess anyone can be called a dick. Humans are being reduced to dicks and assholes. Can't we just meet in the middle and peacefully have intercourse with each other? dick[ dik ]   noun Slang. Older Use. a detective.   Vulgar. penis.   Vulgar. a stupid, mean, or contemptible person, especially a man. But here's the one we're talking about, as well as the relation to "asshole": Being a Dick   Someone who is constantly acting like an asshole when unnecessary. Me: you look nice today. Them: you don't, have you ever heard of a hair brush? Me: ugh you are being a dick!

Reverberations in the Time of Isolation

BNormal, Illinois March 21, 2020 I was walking to Walgreen's to get a pneumonia shot when I stopped at Reverberations just to look at the 33-1/3 albums they have lining the windows - stuff like B.B. King Sings Christmas Carols and the 13th Floor Elevators Greatest Hits - and a guy stopped to chat within a safe distance (heck, I think it was about 3 or 4 feet). He says, "Man, it's like walkin into the seventies when you go in there!" I says, "Yes, I know!" jabber jabber. It turns out the guy is the same age as me, and his uncle is Yusef Lateef, and I have one of his uncle's albums! Or I think I do - maybe he played with Idris Muhammed, whose Power of Soul album I know I have. But we chatted for a nice while - him on his way to buy balloons for his 7-year-old granddaughter and me to get my geezer shot. Another kool adventure on the street! https://youtu.be/Fr1bzAljIn8?list=PL_WDpf_Xeu3I-R_B-tlXTt70aCEpFyRyY Add the story of the fat girl with t

What did that nigger say?

BNormal, Illinois March 20, 2020 Now then, the only way we’re going to make any progress is to talk to each other and try to understand each other. I was just watching a movie tonight called The Best of Enemies, a true story based on some KKK types versus a group of black people who are trying to get the same basic rights as the white people. This is back in 1971 in Durham, N.C. Basically it’s one particular Klansman versus one particular black woman, with each one representing his or her group. Each person is very focused and has no intentions of caving in or compromising to the other. In all this mess and mutual hatred, a black arbitrator calls the committed racist his brother because the racist makes one correct point in a heated discussion. It doesn’t matter what the racist says, it’s just important that he’s correct about one thing. The black guy points out that the white guy is objectively correct and that as far as that one thing goes, they are in agreement and thus they

Strange and interesting things

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March 20, 2020 BNormal, Illinois I've walked down to Kroger's on two consecutive days now, since the library isn't open, and I only got a couple small things today, but the walk was great to get my blood moving and there's always the chance I'll run into somebody and talk to them. Well, I ran into a fellow tenant today - Walt, who also goes by Santa Claus and who, though looking like an old hippie, is a Trump supporter. Walt has a big Santa beard and a real good head of hair and a ponytail going down his back. He was wearing a nice MOTOWN cap, and at first he pretended not to know me, but then he livened up when I said I would like his hat and would he take my Joe's Pizza hat in trade. He said No. I also talked with a largish and sloppyish woman who said that when her husband died she cut off and kept his ponytail. She showed me a little thing she had around her neck that contained a little of her hair and her husband's intertwined and braided. I said s

Polling Place

I walked into the polling place, which was staffed by several middle-to-older-age women, both black and white. I have never voted in a primary before – have you? I also wondered whether you are an American citizen or whether you might wish to be adopted by an American like a certain Vladimir Tim? Well, so I asked these women kind of timidly, “Can I vote Democratic?” and one black woman said, “You can do anything you want!” I said, “Anything?” “Yes,” she said. “Well,” I said, “I’d like to dance around in my underwear.” MUCH laughter from all the women, and a man at another table smiled too. They said they had been there all day and that was the biggest laugh they had all day. I said, “I can sing too,” and I started singing “Expressway to Your Heart” to the oldest black woman and she started laughing again. That was real fun – LOL. 😊 It really was. Then I went and voted for Joe Biden as my friend Scott had recommended. Oh, another thing: I had on one of my Hawaiian shirts that I’

"When it rains it pours" meaning

I believe the expression actually reads, “It doesn’t rain but it pours.” That means that when such and such a desired event occurs, it occurs a *lot.* For example, let’s say you haven't had sex for a long time - like seven years - and you sure could use some. Suddenly you meet a woman and have sex, and it’s great. Then shortly after that you meet another woman and have sex, and it’s great again! Then maybe you meet *yet another* woman, and it happens again! You think to yourself, “Man, when it rains it pours!” Get it?

Sitting on Ones Ass or Arse and Baring It in Public

BNormal, Illinois March 12, 2020 This morning as I stopped at the Thornton's gas station to get today's ration of margaritas in a can, I happened to notice a couple of young guys walking very slowly in skinny sloppy blue jeans, a decidedly relaxed fit. The first fellow I encountered looked to have all the time in the world to lounge around and to slouch around and to vape, masturbate, and do other silly things with his body like a monkey at the municipal zoo. I personally have no time at all to do any of those silly things anymore, not that I was really any good at any of it. Then, as I stepped up to the checkout with my purchase, I found myself face to face with another young guy's butt crack. His boxer shorts were about at half-mast, which exposed a good portion of the crack and it was a hairy crack at that. As one well-endowed woman said to me once, "Big boobs aren't all they're cracked up to be," but I would much rather deal with any pair of

Mom: A Story of Redemption on the New American Frontier

BNormal Illinois March 12, 2020 At one time, before I got free rides to PT sessions, I took the taxi and met several funny cab drivers, all of whom had great stories of their lives. One woman, whom the other drivers called Mom (her real name is Linda), worked at a candy factory and she always brought home free broken candy. In spite of all the lovely candy, she had a very abusive husband who locked her up in a small room in the basement and tried to burn her alive. (Sadly, this is a true story.) Prior to this miserable existence, she got pregnant in high school and her mother sent her to a Catholic Home for Unwed Mothers in Chicago, where her baby was taken away from her. Eventually, though, she got away from the abusive husband and met her grown-up son after many years and then she married a wonderful guy who was tending bar at a place where she had gone to celebrate her getting away from the abuser. (This too is a true story!) Now years later her wonderful husband, who

Smooth operator

BNormal, Illinois March 11, 2020 I will call this guy Ray because he’s a cool cat and a smooth operator. First you should know that Ray is the same age, or maybe a bit older, than me (70). When last I talked to Ray, he had a girlfriend in Rockford who liked to smoke marijuana. He had carried on with this woman for some time, but then he moved to Bloomington, where the jobs, especially the job of taxi driver, were plentiful. While he did not have his girlfriend there in BNormal to have dinner with and console his soul, he did have Plenty of Fish, on which he met several nice ladies. One of them was about thirty-five, and they hit it off well until Ray came to the conclusion that the only thing they had in common was sex. Sadly, he told her that they had to part, and she went off broken-hearted because she thought Ray was the type of man who knew how to treat a woman. Ray, however, had a higher calling, or rather he simply wanted MORE: he wanted a woman who, besides having

The Low IQs

Bloomington, IL 61701 March 5, 2020 The Downtowner Basement There’s a gal named Angie, who volunteers at the Miller Park Zoo during the day and whose husband, Dan, has a full-time job sweeping floors and such at Eastland Mall. Dan and I rode the bus back home the other day and talked a lot. Then I met their really big low-IQ daughter, Amanda, and her husband, Gerald, last night and we all talked about seizures and tumors and downright bizarre operations, such as to remove dangerous pus pockets right up against a spinal chord. Amanda and Gerald have each other’s names tattooed on their bodies, and the family members have auxiliary names for each other too: Gerald is Yogi, Amada is Boo Boo, Dan is The Ranger, and Angie (Mrs. Dan) is Mrs. Somebody Else from the show, though I don’t remember another character. We also talked about the best way to cook chicken wings and whether chicken cooked at 425° for an hour is really done. (I said YES.)

BNormal Coffee Date: Prologue

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Bloomington, IL 61701 March 3, 2020 A much older couple was sitting down too and we chatted a bit. I think maybe they assumed we were a couple too, but it was pleasant and I said to the fella, “So, are you on a date?” and he said, “Well, actually I just picked her up on the street,” and he winked and she laughed and said, “We've been together for seven years now.” It turns out they met when his wife was undergoing cancer treatment, and so was this gal sitting next to me. The wife died, but he started going with this good-hearted survivor. She said the relationship was going well, and they had just gotten back from visiting one of their kids in Colorado. I said, “Right” and told her she didn’t have to go to Colorado to score weed because she could buy it in Normal now. She laughed and waved her coffee cup around and said the heaviest thing she did was latte.

So-called Therapist

October 2019 In the Middle of Everywhere One so-called therapist said he would kick my ass down the hall if I behaved in some untoward manner (I can’t remember what manner, but I don’t think I threatened any violence, so his comment seemed apropos of nothing). This “pastoral counselor” was a big bruiser and he really *could* have kicked my ass down the hall, but was that really how counseling worked? (I didn’t know because I had never been to a counselor before.) I later called him and said I thought I would do better with another therapist. He laughed at me like I was some kind of pussy - though he did refer me to another therapist, a woman who insisted that I tell her what I honestly thought of her. When I did that, she became outraged and shouted out defenses of herself while also stating that she didn’t have to justify her behavior to me. Man, I couldn’t win. These were my very first experiences with any kind of therapist or counselor, and it made me very wary of seeking other