Vignettes from the Ever-Lasting Now

Bloomington, IL 61701 February 16, 2020 I have a funny story about this seemingly snippy gal at the Main Street Thrift Store yesterday. Ya see, two days ago I saw her taking pictures of new stuff that was being brought into the store from their van – which happens often. She had been snippy to me previously when I came in to see if they still had a guitar I wanted to buy, so I was a little snippy to her when I asked about the price on an old home-built bookcase. She said it was $79, and I said I wouldn’t pay more than $20 for it – so there – because I had built similar ones myself either by myself or with my Uncle Phil (I didn’t tell her that). Meanwhile I asked another guy working there how much these nice wooden Buddhas were - $12 apiece or $12 for the pair? He said the pair, so yesterday I stopped in because I saw a friend's Facebook post about Buddha, whom he likes, and figured I might get the pair and give him one for his help in finding a place to live back in May. Wel

February 19, 2020 Bloomington, IL 61701 This morning I needed to get a copy of my birth certificate, so I went the the LaSalle County Clerk online to find out the process. Whilst there, I noticed the line under the Coroner's Department: " The LaSalle County Coroner’s Office exists to provide the people of LaSalle County with a thorough investigation in the event of a death." The phrase "in the event of a death" appealed to me because it suggested that death was something special, and I reckon it is. But it also suggests that if you just so happen to die - heaven forfend - somebody's gonna do something.

I haven’t had many dreams about deceased loved ones, but I met a woman when I was hitch-hiking from Ashland, Wisconsin, who told me about a recurring dream she had about her deceased brother. In the dream, she was visited by her brother, who didn’t know that he was dead. He wanted to climb out of his grave and return home. He continued to appeal to her, night after night, to let him come home. She realized that he was indeed dead, but she had no idea how to tell him that, so she went to her father’s grave (in real life) and appealed to her father to let the brother know that he was dead. That night the recurring dream ceased.

January 16, 2019 I was living in Lincoln, Nebraska, when a kid from next door came over and invited me to attend a party he was throwing when his mother was out of town. I didn’t care too much for the kid, so I gave him a polite no. He went back next door, and a friend of mine from two houses down - on the other side of the kid - came over and told me he was going to the party. “Suit yourself, Mike” I said, or some such nonsense. The party revved up and got kind of noisy, so I thought I’d go and see how good neighbor Mike was getting along. As it was he was just headed back to his place, which was on the other side of a hurricane fence (chain link fence) from the party house. A young punk sneeringly called out, “See you later, Grampa!” from one side of the fence. Mike reached over the fence and pulled the kid clean over the fence, saying “Who you callin’ Grampa?” That, plus some guy calling the cops on all those underage kids, caused the party to grind to a halt. Now, that’

February 19, 2020 On the Web "The LaSalle County Coroner’s Office exists to provide the people of LaSalle County with a thorough investigation in the event of a death." Just *in case* somebody should happen to die.” (Heaven Forfend) For some reason, I found this explanatory note REALLY FUNNY. Compare with: February 25, 2020 Laundry Room “Use washers and dryers at YOUR OWN RISK.” You see, it’s O.K. to use the washers and dryers, but just use them AT YOUR OWN RISK. I found this sign too to be HILARIOUS. Perhaps I’m going wild with the meds, which I am also using at my own risk. Life is a risky business, after all. https://youtu.be/G2UVsyVLLcE

February 21, 2020 Internet Transmission BNormal, Illinois, to Kenya, Africa Hey Jack – Looks like you’re living the dream, or at least some kind of dream, as most people are because they have their collective head stuck up their collective arse. I was gonna say a lot of clever things, but I need to get up and get moving because otherwise I’ll seize up like an engine left in the rain. I’ll get back to you in a bit from the library. Sounds like things are going well for you over there in that Certified Shithole™ country.

February 22, 2020 Bloomington, IL 61701 Then, I am armed with my 1% hydrocortisone cream and a bunch of Naproxen – two big bottles for 1-1/2 the sale price – and as I close in on the checkout counter I see a thing with Kit Kats and some other candy on display, and the other candy says $1 Sale! But the Kit Kats you can’t tell how much they are, and it’s the Mint Dark Chocolate kind that I like, so I ask the gal how much the Kit Kats are, and she goes, “IMPULSE BUY IMPULSE BUY!!” I say, “Well, I just now remembered these particular Kit Kats have a weird aftertaste, so I’m not gonna get any. But I appreciate your telling me – ya know, a fellow Boomer. In fact, I bet you’re close to retiring.” She smiles and says, “Well . . .” So I say, because she saw by my entering my phone number in the credit card thing that my name is Tim and she verified by asking, “So we’re Tim?” and I said, “Well, *I’m* Tim” . . .  Well then, I say, “What’s your name?” She says, “Nancy,” and I say, “Nanc

Bloomington IL 61701 February 23, 2020 Ambient ambiance: In the 50s and real sunny right in the virtual middle of the winter I was walking up the nearest moraine right through the nearby alley when I spotted a feller in a long coat doing something or other - smokin', I reckon - and also talkin' to someone hidden from my view behind a utility pole of some sort. The feller spotted me about the same time I spotted him, and we both narrowed our eyes in the manner of Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef in "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly," or so I imagined. But only for a moment - a quick moment, or a mini-moment. Well, it was real quick, as we both realized there was no reason to get excited. Behind the utility pole sat a woman all bundled up in a long coat and scarf and whatnot and smoking a cigarette hard, but I heard her coughing before I actually saw her. She was coughin' to beat the band, like she had bronchitis, so when I saw her, I said, "Huh

May 29, 1992  Conception Abbey, Conception Mo. I went to Mass in the big church - a basilica, really - this morning. It's Trinity Sunday, by the way, which doesn't mean much to me; I never understood the Trinity any more than anything else about the Catholic church. But they have in the front of the church a great painting of Mary surrounded by her aura. I've been here before, and I refer to this painting as "the Divine Vagina," because that's what it looks like if you squint. I also went into a room at the back of the main church in which I had a heavy experience about two years ago. The only thing in the room was a picture of Mary - not the divine vagina but a typical Mary-in-the sky-on-clouds. When I was here before, I felt the room had a strong spiritual charge, like a force field. I didn't feel the force this time, but there was a book of Scripture open on a little altar in front of the picture, so I went up and read a passage. It was a

August 24, 1986 Railsplitter State Park Along Salt Creek in Logan County on the south edge of Lincoln, Illinois I have my Tao Te Ching with me and my thoughts of letting it be, prompted by my reading of Alan Watts. But really what I want is some company. A beautiful chick smoking pot at the end of the trail. I wish I had a more poetic way of expressing my loneliness. Might be able, then, to make a buck on it.

"Jobber” means “an unspecified object,” as in “Hand me that jobber over there.” Once I was driving back home to Illinois from Nebraska, and I picked up a Native American couple from Michigan who were hitch-hiking from the side of the road. The woman was a little dull-witted, and her husband wasn’t far behind, but we got on famously because we were able to communicate through the power of music. At that time I had an old beat-up guitar in the back seat, where the husband sat. Once we got going, he asked me if he could play the guitar. I said sure, and he proceeded to play “Keep on the Sunny Side.” Now, “Keep on the Sunny Side” just so happened to be one of my favorite songs at that time, and we all joined in. I flipped on a small tape recorder to catch the concert. We were howling like a bunch of cats but having a ball. After the song was over, I took a drink from my Army surplus canteen, and I offered it to the gentleman. He said, “Sure, hand me that jobber, “ an

Saturday, December 21, 2019 I went to Wally World today to get this and that, and I was in the paper goods aisle when I heard a woman announce that she was spending more money on the comfort of her butt than on anything else. I guessed that this gal was maybe 70 years old. I said, "Is that right?" and she said, "Yes! Do you know what people used to use to wipe their butts?" I suggested corn cobs. "No," she said, "Pages from the Sears catalog!" I said, "Did you wipe your butt with those catalog pages?" "No!" she exclaimed. "Well," says I, "how do you know that people wiped their butts with catalog pages?" She answered, "I saw it on the Internet!" as though that put an end to the discussion. (In fact, my dad often said that: "Case closed!") Apparently direct experience has been overruled by the Internet. At this rate, *anybody* could put *any* kind of B.S. on the Internet - m

March 18, 2021 BNormal, Illinois The Loneliness of the Long-Hauling Geezer This weekend has been a low-key one, as it's been pretty freaking cold and windy out, thus a certain laidbackness has been in play whether I like it or not. In fact, whether I like it or not has been the overall theme. On Saturday I made a trek to Walgreen's to pick up a prescription that I had previously gotten closer to home but which got transferred to the new place because the old place had been shut down. Previously there had been no charge for the Rx, but at the new place there was a charge of 60 cents. But what for? A youngster was behind the register - let's call him a Millennium just for fun - and I asked what the 60 cents was for. He peered at the receipt and looked something up and said, "Looks like it's some kind of deductible." I said, "Well, that's kind of odd because there was no charge at all at the last place." He says, "Well, just look at i

January 25, 2020 Bloomington, Illinois The other day I was coming out of the library when I ran into a guy who asked me where a man might get some help. He began by telling me a story about a guy (him) who got thrown out of his apartment. He actually whipped out a piece of paper certifying that he had been thrown out of his apartment, but I was in a hurry and I said, "You need some money?" and he said, "Can you help me?" and I said "Probably - lemme see what I got" and I sorted through a moderate wad of cash and pulled out a five. I handed him the five and he said, "Actually I need $7" and I said, "That's all I can spare," so he took it and left walking pretty fast. I was right behind him because I had to get somewhere, and then I thought, "I don't wanna freak this guy out, like I'm following him," so I switched to the other side of the street, but he had just switched to the other side of the street too

Friday, 9-27-1985                                                                                                                  Streator, Illinois Dear Tim, I figured you could use this check you recently received in U.S. Mail. Don’t spend it too foolishly! How are things in the fast lanes of Champaign and Urbana? Any chickees on the starboard bow? Last Thursday about 2:30 a.m. I couldn’t sleep, as per usual, so I turned on this Nashville radio station. It was one of those holy roller, praise the Lord, pass the collection plate tent revival stations. This guy comes on, calling himself the Rev. Dr. Cross. He says, “Say, brother, could you use some good luck?!? Well, send me 4 bucks and I will send you my Luck of Life package!” Then three people got up and said, “I wrote to Dr. Cross and the next day I got a brand new Cadillac” and “two days after writing Dr. Cross I got a shitload of money in the mail!” “Praise the Lord!” “Amen, Brother!” “Amen, Sister

Sept. 7, 1992 Dear Lainey, I am finally alone in this big house of my folks, after being with a fair portion of my brothers and sisters and their kids over the weekend. The drive out here was kind of weary: I stopped in Iowa City for the night (Saturday), woke at 5 and had an engaging conversation with a young waitress self-described as “weird” but in actuality very feisty, who had just thrown three big drunk guys out of the restaurant where she worked. When I went into this place, I first asked for a table that had enough light to read by. Then I asked for the ceiling fans to be shut off, because it was already a cold morning and I didn’t want to drink my coffee in a strong breeze. Then the cook was playing Dueling Radios with the stuff being piped in for the customers, and Heather (the waitress) told the cook to shut off his or her radio. Then, as it was nearing the end of the night shift, Heather just came over to my booth and leaned against it with a coffee pot da

December 22, 2019 Bloomington Illinois I was out to Wally World again, and I ran into some really nice employees but also a couple snooty ones. Here is my narration: At Wally World yesterday and today, I had run-ins with a couple of people who I call “snooty.” The one yesterday was a Walmart employee I asked to help me find some specific granola bars because there were tons of varieties and I needed a certain special bar. But instead of leading me to the granola bars, or explaining anything, she just kind of sneered at me with a screwed-up expression, like she had just bitten into a lemon, and she grunted and pointed down the aisle and I had to figure it out myself. It was hard, too – sheesh! Then I needed to find something else, and I asked the same woman where the air fresheners were, and again she said, “Over there!” and jerked her head in the general direction of another aisle. I wondered if it was me and my essentially evil nature had been discovered and the who

Monona County, Iowa 1995 The guy was wearing blue jeans, an army jacket, and a baseball cap. He took off his cap to reveal close-cropped graying hair. His face was lean and muscular, and his eyes were bright. “Do you want me to strap in?” he asked as I buckled my seatbelt. I said yes, and as he hunted for the belt, he said, “Never use ‘em myself. I was in the paratroopers in the war, and I don’t like to use ‘em. If I’m on a plane, I want to sit in the back and not wear a seatbelt. If something happens, I want to get out of there fast. Ya know, they can’t force you to use one. Most plane accidents take place on landing or taking off, so what I do, I just go up to the first-class section.” “You mean on a commercial airliner?” I asked, noting that he had put the shoulder strap over the wrong shoulder. “Yeah,” he said, and then adjusted the strap after I pointed out the correct position. The guy then started rapping about how he was going to Fargo, North Dakota, to join

I met a gal on the city bus a couple weeks ago, and I asked how long she'd been out on the street. She said, "Seven days." I said, "Where are you staying?" She said, "With you." I was startled, but I kept talking to her about this and that. Then I had to catch another bus and I gave her the usual two bucks. She said something like "You are the Lamb of God," so I felt pretty good. Later on I thought, "Hmm, maybe I should have invited her over to my place," because I am also the Wolf of God. I guess I followed my finer instincts to know, love, and serve God. 😊 Well, you gotta serve *somebody*! Better the Lord than the devil. https://youtu.be/0MzyBv4yOPU

Dear Lainey, I stopped in Iowa City for the night (Saturday), woke at 5, and had an engaging conversation with a young waitress self-described as “weird” but in actuality very feisty, who had just thrown three big drunk guys out of the restaurant where she worked. When I went into this place, I first asked for a table that had enough light to read by. Then I asked for the ceiling fans to be shut off, because it was already a cold morning and I didn’t want to drink my coffee in a stiff breeze. Then the cook was playing Dueling Radios with the stuff being piped in for the customers, and Heather (the waitress) told the cook to shut off his or her radio. As it was nearing the end of the night shift, Heather came over to my booth and leaned against it with a coffee pot dangling from her hand and watched me eat a cinnamon roll the size of a dinner plate. She was young – about twenty – and she had this very fresh-faced innocence about her. For someone so young, with no real

One time in the 90s I went to a publishing conference at which I met a couple who worked at the same publisher. They went on and on about how great their jobs were, and wasn't that what it was all about? I thought, "These people are nuts!" Reference:

Summer 1993, Lincoln, Nebraska On my way to the library I passed a cute little Harley-Davidson sitting in someone's driveway. It was like a big Harley-Davidson but in miniature: very unusual. On the way back I saw a guy in bib overalls whom I took to be the owner of the bike, so I stopped and complimented him on the bike. He got a kick out of my interest and proceeded to tell me how he had rebuilt the bike from a jumble of parts ("It came in a box," he said) over the past few years. He did a great job because the thing looked brand-new. I lost him on a few arcane details, but basically the bike - a Harley-Davidson Sprint - was built in Italy in or around 1967, at a time when Harley was trying to compete with the huge influx of small Japanese bikes and their ilk. The guy used the term "entry-level" to describe the general type of bike, but while other companies produced "step-through" scooters and whining 2-strokers, Harley simply produced a s

October 16, 2019 Bloomington, Illinois I was working at the library today in a quiet area when a stealthy patron suddenly exclaimed, "Clarksdale! Doesn't get any more authentic than that!" It was a fellow traveler from the 60s and early 70s stopping to comment on my Ground Zero T-shirt. "Have you been there?" I asked the white-haired and -bearded geezer. "No," he said, "but years ago I hitch-hiked through Mississippi and I know about the blues tradition around there." "Through *Mississippi*?" I asked. "When was that?" "Oh, about 1974," says he. He was from Tulsa and he described hitching through Mississippi as a long-hair beardo, which was quite a surprise since at the same time I was hitching through Oklahoma and getting refused service at cafes and restaurants that forbid both long hair and beards. He allowed that he'd had a few scares but no actual harm came to him, and I averred the same

13 April 1994 and 19 May 1994 Lincoln, Nebraska I came across a couple more letters that I wrote to Paula N. before I moved back to Illinois. They’re a matched pair of letters, with one referencing the other. At that time, I had been trying to get more social by going to a Unity church – which focused on quiet, meditative spiritual growth. They were kinda like the Unitarians but also like the Quakers. It wasn’t unusual for people in this group to discuss spiritual development and human relationships. Anyway, a guy from the church who teaches stuff about human relationships, talked to me about “the cha cha of relationships,” in which one party approaches the other and the other party steps back in reaction and defense. Then, when the person who had reacted recovers from the other person’s perceived invasiveness, he or she approaches the other party and this time the other person reacts and draws back. It’s the CHA CHA OF RELATIONSHIPS. Get it? I have some more text I can use

October 2, 2019 - Bloomington, Illinois I was out on the street, looking good, etc., when I saw a guy at the street corner holding up a sign. I figured he was asking for money or maybe going somewhere, but as I crossed the street and looked to read the sign, I couldn't make out anything. So I asked the guy what his sign said, and he held up the sign - a piece of cardboard - to show it didn't have anything on it. I said, "How come your sign is blank?" He replied, "Because I AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' TO SAY."

June 14, 1992 Platte River State Park Louisville, NE Spent last night at the Louisville Recreational Area, and that's the last time I will stay for a good long while, till after Labor Day, at least. I've seen worse, but this was pretty bad in most places: wall-to-wall people in trailers and tents. When I got there and went to register, I asked the woman, "Do you have any private, secluded places? She snorted and said, "Are you kidding me?!" I was hurt by this, having never been there before and not knowing the score. Then she apologized for being "facetious." I thought it was more like sarcasm myself - I need to compare the terms. I located the assigned area and then relocated my tent near a place by the river next to a friendly couple. Right across the small gravel road was another group of people who had appropriated the picnic  table from the adjacent  campsite so as to have a little tent complex/kingdom separate from all the other camp

Dairy Sweet Drive-In Weeping Water, NE November 10, 1992 I stopped in to the Dairy Sweet after walking around for a while at Platte River State Park. The day was cold and damp – not the best for walking in the woods – but I wanted to get out in the country: the day would be wasted otherwise. Once in the woods, I felt much better than I’d felt in my house in Lincoln. I felt that this was where I belonged, and, as usual, I was drawn to a creek and a small falls – actually just a trickle coming through the ice. I thought of other falls and other creeks I’d encountered or courted in my life: the creek/river of my early childhood, the Vermilion River and Stink Creek of my 20s, the Prairie Creek near the New Melleray Abbey, the other Prairie Creek in Minnesota, etc & etc. Always and everywhere I am drawn to and feel best when near a body or stream of water in a wooded area. Here in Nebraska the water is just a trickle, but it is here. The Dairy Sweet is an interesting plac

May 24, 1992 Conception Abbey, Conception, MO: Break Time Mr. and Mrs. Friendly & Niece & the Purtiest Cat You’ll Ever See This woman accosted me from the front seat of the roadster pictured here as I walked up a hill toward the Conception water tower. She had seen me taking a picture from lower on the hill, and she called out, “Hey, are you the person fixing up that new place over there?” “No,” I said, “I’m just passing through. “Well, where are ya from?” she asked. “From Lincoln, Nebraska,” I said. “You walked from there!?” she asked in astonishment. “No,” I said. “I drove down in my car.” “Come ta see the church?” she asked further. “Yep,” I said. “Stayin’ a couple of nights.” “Here comes my niece,” she said as a seven- or eight-year-old girl came walking up and plopped herself in the back seat of the car next to a stack of elementary school books. I spied a grade 6 science book, so maybe the kid was older than she looked. A pair of fuzzy white di

I just got back from a bus ride to Wally World, where I had an appt with my favorite stylist, Angie, but she called in sick apparently at the last minute, so I got a cut from this dopey girl named Lindy. She spent a max of 15  minutes on me, whereas Angie would spend a half an hour, and she appeared to do a really bad job. She started off by telling me that some Spanish guy had complained about the haircut she gave his kid – “complained to Corporate” – so that was reassuring – NOT – and then she just chopped off half my hair and sorta went “Whoops” and I said that’s fine, finish it off because I was afraid she would make it worse with every step and then when I just now looked in the mirror, I could see the pink skin under the hair where she cut it so close! Holy cow and double sheesh! I just assumed they all could cut hair there because both Angie and another gal did a great job but No-o-o. There was also kind of a comical scene when I was sitting back in the chair at first and th