Keeping It Clean!

I was next door at my neighbor Bigfoot Jerry’s to help him hook up a TV in his bedroom. I calls him Bigfoot because he's got these really big animal slippers. Amazingly I fixed up the TV correctly, and then I admired the king-size bed he had. He said he got the bed for $214 brand new and he got it from a place down the street where he saw two gay guys (other customers) kissing each other. Now, Jerry is black and he’s not gay, so I said, “Is that against your beliefs?” He said no, but apropos of nothing he said Obama was the one who legalized gay marriage, sort of implying that Obama's action was to blame for a number of things that had taken the nation on a downhill ride.

I wasn’t sure that Obama did that (I found out later it was the Supreme Court, but Obama praised the decision). I bet a lot of people think Obama did it. Then Jerry says, “You know there were gay presidents!” but I think he might have gotten Pete Buttigieg mixed up in there. I said, “Maybe you’re thinking of this guy Buttigieg – he’s as gay as a three-dollar bill.” He said, “Oh yeah, and the mayor of Chicago is a Lesbian.” “Is she?” I says. “Oh yeah,” he says. “Well,” says I, “It doesn’t matter as long as she makes good decisions.”

Then I said, “I would get me one of these beds, but I need one thing first.” “What’s that?” he says. “A woman!” says I.

“Oh,” he says, “You can get one of those – maybe a rich one too – take care of ya.” Then I thought of a Netflix movie I started watching last night called Last of the Latin Lovers, about an aging gigolo who has just such an arrangement with an older woman who is very much past her prime. I thought of the gigolo's duties and I said, “Well," I said, "as long as she keeps it clean.” He says, “That’s right! After you get past the smell, you got it licked.” And I burst out laughing, proud and happy that we shared such a moment of camaraderie despite any cultural or cognitive barriers.