The Cha Cha of Relationships

13 April 1994 and 19 May 1994
Lincoln, Nebraska

I came across a couple more letters that I wrote to Paula N. before I moved back to Illinois. They’re a matched pair of letters, with one referencing the other. At that time, I had been trying to get more social by going to a Unity church – which focused on quiet, meditative spiritual growth. They were kinda like the Unitarians but also like the Quakers. It wasn’t unusual for people in this group to discuss spiritual development and human relationships.

Anyway, a guy from the church who teaches stuff about human relationships, talked to me about “the cha cha of relationships,” in which one party approaches the other and the other party steps back in reaction and defense. Then, when the person who had reacted recovers from the other person’s perceived invasiveness, he or she approaches the other party and this time the other person reacts and draws back. It’s the CHA CHA OF RELATIONSHIPS. Get it? I have some more text I can use to write a little more – a bit more eloquent – but this is the basic back-and-forth dance.  . . .

"One person is attracted closer and closer to the other person until the first feels that he or she is starting to be absorbed into the other's personal sphere. Person #1 freaks out at the potential loss of his or her self-identity and then breaks off to recover sense of self.

After some recovery, person #1 might then get interested in person #2 again and try to get close again, but person #2 might think, by this time, that he or she doesn't *want* to get close again and so may back off . . . etc. etc.

Thus, we dance the Cha Cha of Relationships

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