The Cha Cha of Relationships

13 April 1994 and 19 May 1994
Lincoln, Nebraska

I came across a couple more letters that I wrote to Paula N. before I moved back to Illinois. They’re a matched pair of letters, with one referencing the other. At that time, I had been trying to get more social by going to a Unity church – which focused on quiet, meditative spiritual growth. They were kinda like the Unitarians but also like the Quakers. It wasn’t unusual for people in this group to discuss spiritual development and human relationships.

Anyway, a guy from the church who teaches stuff about human relationships, talked to me about “the cha cha of relationships,” in which one party approaches the other and the other party steps back in reaction and defense. Then, when the person who had reacted recovers from the other person’s perceived invasiveness, he or she approaches the other party and this time the other person reacts and draws back. It’s the CHA CHA OF RELATIONSHIPS. Get it? I have some more text I can use to write a little more – a bit more eloquent – but this is the basic back-and-forth dance.  . . .

"One person is attracted closer and closer to the other person until the first feels that he or she is starting to be absorbed into the other's personal sphere. Person #1 freaks out at the potential loss of his or her self-identity and then breaks off to recover sense of self.

After some recovery, person #1 might then get interested in person #2 again and try to get close again, but person #2 might think, by this time, that he or she doesn't *want* to get close again and so may back off . . . etc. etc.

Thus, we dance the Cha Cha of Relationships

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Don't know what

Bloomington IL 61701 February 23, 2020 Ambient ambiance: In the 50s and real sunny right in the virtual middle of the winter I was walking up the nearest moraine right through the nearby alley when I spotted a feller in a long coat doing something or other - smokin', I reckon - and also talkin' to someone hidden from my view behind a utility pole of some sort. The feller spotted me about the same time I spotted him, and we both narrowed our eyes in the manner of Clint Eastwood and Lee Van Cleef in "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly," or so I imagined. But only for a moment - a quick moment, or a mini-moment. Well, it was real quick, as we both realized there was no reason to get excited. Behind the utility pole sat a woman all bundled up in a long coat and scarf and whatnot and smoking a cigarette hard, but I heard her coughing before I actually saw her. She was coughin' to beat the band, like she had bronchitis, so when I saw her, I said, "Huh...
Read more

Nazi State

Monona County, Iowa 1995 The guy was wearing blue jeans, an army jacket, and a baseball cap. He took off his cap to reveal close-cropped graying hair. His face was lean and muscular, and his eyes were bright. “Do you want me to strap in?” he asked as I buckled my seatbelt. I said yes, and as he hunted for the belt, he said, “Never use ‘em myself. I was in the paratroopers in the war, and I don’t like to use ‘em. If I’m on a plane, I want to sit in the back and not wear a seatbelt. If something happens, I want to get out of there fast. Ya know, they can’t force you to use one. Most plane accidents take place on landing or taking off, so what I do, I just go up to the first-class section.” “You mean on a commercial airliner?” I asked, noting that he had put the shoulder strap over the wrong shoulder. “Yeah,” he said, and then adjusted the strap after I pointed out the correct position. The guy then started rapping about how he was going to Fargo, North Dakota, to join...
Read more

Break Time at Conception

Image
May 24, 1992 Conception Abbey, Conception, MO: Break Time Mr. and Mrs. Friendly & Niece & the Purtiest Cat You’ll Ever See This woman accosted me from the front seat of the roadster pictured here as I walked up a hill toward the Conception water tower. She had seen me taking a picture from lower on the hill, and she called out, “Hey, are you the person fixing up that new place over there?” “No,” I said, “I’m just passing through. “Well, where are ya from?” she asked. “From Lincoln, Nebraska,” I said. “You walked from there!?” she asked in astonishment. “No,” I said. “I drove down in my car.” “Come ta see the church?” she asked further. “Yep,” I said. “Stayin’ a couple of nights.” “Here comes my niece,” she said as a seven- or eight-year-old girl came walking up and plopped herself in the back seat of the car next to a stack of elementary school books. I spied a grade 6 science book, so maybe the kid was older than she looked. A pair of fuzzy white di...
Read more